It Gets Better

Well folks, we did it. We tied the knot on June 19th, 2010. It came and went faster than I imagined, but was such an amazing experience (hopefully once-in-a-lifetime!). :) I don't know if I can fully articulate the joy I experienced whilst standing in front of so many family members and friends to commit my life to the man I love. The whole night was kind of surreal. I will never forget the flood of emotions that swept over me as I leaned in and kissed him after saying 'I do.' It was beautiful. It was incredible. It was good.

What a stark contrast to the lonely nights I spent at BYU tossing and turning in despair! At that time I never could have imagined where my life would take me and how the next few years would play out. I spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself. I spent far too much time debating my own self-worth and trying to find acceptance in a community that would not allow it. I tried hopelessly to embrace any option that would allow me to find fulfillment and maintain worthiness in the church. I endured great pain and anguish - mostly self inflicted - to try and fit the mold. Finally, I opened my heart and mind to other possibilities - that maybe what God wanted for me was different than what I thought. I prayed again and again to ask God if the course I was about to embark on was not right. Not once did I feel that it was wrong. And so I took that leap of faith.

Life after BYU was new and exciting, but not without difficulties. I had the opportunity to date several people and discover myself. Then, in the most unexpected way, I met Brandon. I never really believed people who said 'love will find you' or 'it just happens.' But they were right. I can't imagine someone who completes me more fully, lifts me when I am down, and pushes me to become better. He is funny, smart, attractive, ambitious, and sincere. And I love him. I am convinced now more than ever that this is the place God wanted me all along. This is where I will find more true happiness than any other path I might have chosen.

This is also the pinnacle of my cognitive dissonance with the church. Boyd K. Packer recently emphasized something that I think sums it up better than anything else, 'wickedness never was happiness.' I am happier now in my life than I have ever been before! Not that I haven't been happy before - but it's better now. Far better than I could have anticipated before. I understand the love, commitment, hard work, and rewarding life that comes with marriage to someone I am attracted to, on every level. To me, this is the purpose of life. This is what it is all about! I am challenged every day to become a better person - to improve myself, serve others, and contribute to my community. And I have a wonderful companion by my side to encourage, support, and love me along the way. I feel like together we are far greater than the sum of our parts and because of that God is pleased.

I don't have all the answers. I have a lot to learn about life and love. Each and every day I am presented with new challenges to which I have to adapt and learn from. I know the road ahead of me will be filled with plenty of ups and downs. I'll have good days and bad days. But to the struggling young BYU student who doesn't know where to go or what to do with their life I can assure you this: it gets better. Your life may or may not follow the same course mine has, but it will get better. You will mature and develop and learn what will bring you the most happiness. The best is yet to come. Don't ever give up hope or give in to despair. The world is growing more understanding and more accepting. Things are changing for the better all the time. And you really should be around to see it. It will be worth it, I promise.